A Creation of some sort

Okay so for those of you who don't know, I am writing a book.  These are just some reflections about what I have been learning through the process of writing a book. I am reading a book about writing a book, yeah I know, but its helpful. Actually its very insightful, and sometimes really makes me think about what I want my writing to be. Today while I was praying, I realized how writing a book is a lot like my relationship with God.   While writing this book, I have brainstormed, typed out several chapters just trying to get words on the page without sometimes really caring about how it presents. Through reading this book, I have realized that the ideas the author presents, make you realize that when you just write words on the page, you are not really putting thought behind the story, not making it your own. This is something I feel happens in my prayer life sometimes. There are many times, when I just speak words and am not really putting meaning behind them. I feel like I am just going through the motions, putting the words there that I think God wants to hear, sometimes even right down to telling people I am going to pray for them, and then thinking BUT are you really? That was something that hit me hard the other day, that I want to give people my word, and if I say I will pray for them, then that is what I intend to do. Another reason while writing a book is similar to my relationship with Christ, is this, when you write, you go through several rough drafts, have some very difficult situations that might cause writers' bloc and other things, very similar to our every day walks. See God has created us to be these perfect people, crafted and unique, BUT God himself knows that this is not something that is going to happen right from the start. There are rough drafts, times of writers bloc, and times when things just seem to be going so well. When writing a book, there are many times, when I just want to write a chapter and be done with it, but I know that something I need to do is figure out how to make this the best it can be, and really that is what God is trying to do through me. However, if I can push through with writing, not knowing what will happen, there could be reward at the end. Something to say, look what I went through and the book at the end is greater than the writing that was put into it. I think this is what my relationship with God is like. If I can push through, strive and continue to run the race that was marked before me, then there is reward at the end. Something so much greater than the times I struggled through this life, and greater than the words that may or may not have gotten put on the page. A reward that WILL BE THERE, and will last longer than my book might be on a shelf.

We are the people

While I don’t agree with the parts of the episode that were sac-religious, I do think there were many things that happened in last night’s Glee episode that hold true to our everyday life. Wether we like it or not, we are faced with these people in our lives everyday. It just another way that God has created all of us to be different. 

Finn: Throughout the episode, Finn was convinced that because he was praying to a toasted cheese, that he had a direct line to God. “While God works in mysterious ways, I don’t think he is working through a grilled cheese.” There were certain things that Finn did that made him believe he was praying to a god, and things happened and his prayers kinda got answered. Sometimes things happen, and while we think that it might be an answer to prayer, sometimes it just the way something worked out. After receiving the news that God was necessarily speaking to Finn through his sandwich, Finn was crushed and was singing about loosing his religion. We have people in our lives who put everything they have into “religion” and when they find out they are praying to something that doesn’t really answer prayer, they are faced to question wether there really is a God. 

Kurt: Most of the episode revolved around Kurt finding out that his dad was suffering from a heart attack and might never wake up. While I don’t agree that Kurt was made to be gay, I do understand his point of view. Kurt, when faced with his fellow glee members is broken because he doesn’t know how a god who created him to be gay would create people to pick on him for being gay, and take away the one person in his life who really supported him no matter how hard it would have been for his father. Kurt was in a dark place, battling loosing his father, and while his friends were being supportive, was just struggling with where in his life he could find comfort right now. His father laying on what could be his bedside was the only thing that mattered. His friend gave him something to hold onto while he may not believe in God, that’ s okay some people don’t, but he needed to find something he could believe in. He chose to believe in his father,and their relationship. Again we have those people in our lives, who the last person they want to turn to is God, they think that God did this to them, God caused this hurt, pain, whatever it is, so why should they pray to him. While sometimes are intentions for helping people are good, there are times when we are trying to put people in a place that they just aren’t ready for. For Kurt, it took him realizing that the people actually cared about him, and they were going to at least pray for his dad, even if Kurt didn’t want that to happen. 

Then there are people like Sue’s sister, who is mentally handicapped. Sue spent most of her life questioning why this happened to her sister and it left her feeling I’m guessing broken, alone, resentful, and other emotions as well. When Sue went and spoke with her sister, her sister said, “God doesn’t make mistakes.” Her sister was content with the life that God had given her to lead and really all her sister could do was try and convince Sue that it wasn’t God punishing her sister. 

While we don’t know/may never know why God makes people the way they are, or allows certain things to happen, there is something we are all supposed to do. That is be the example that the woman sitting next to Kurt in Church was. She didn’t care if he was gay, all she knew was that Kurt was hurting, and no matter how deep his pain or frustrations, all he wanted was just to feel some comfort. He didn’t know if that meant he was going to find it in God, his friends, or a stranger, but that woman didn’t just let an opportunity go by. No matter what she might have been dealing with, or wether kurt was okay with any of this, the woman did what we are all supposed to do. Be Christ to those who we encounter everyday. 

We all have different ways of expressing our hurt, emotions, fears and different methods of believing what we believe. Yes some people don’t believe in God, “but we all need to believe in something. Something that we can’t taste, see, smell or touch.” 

Its not our jobs as followers of Christ to deny those who don’t worship, practice or believe the same things we do. We have to remember that we are just supposed to be the best examples of Christ to the world that we can be, and let God change people. 

Everyday, in one way or another, we are going to run into the Kurts, Finns, Sues’ and every other type of personality, and no matter how hard we try we might not be able to make a difference. Sometimes that just happens. But for those people who are Kurt, Finn, or Sue that doesn’t mean we stop loving them, but we stop trying to make them something they might not be ready for. 

Ministry....beyond four walls

So today I was reading through a commentary on the book of acts, it was discussing chapter five where the apostles were arrested for speaking the name of Jesus. After being released from prison the apostles found they could not stop preaching the name of Jesus. Something else that is mentioned, is the idea that they didn't just keep their witnessing to the church building. They went to homes, and took it to the streets. Then it mentioned that "we should not confine ministry to the four walls of the church building." This got me to thinking, going outside the four walls of our church building is exactly what we were called to do. Sometimes however, I think we are living in fear, of what I don't know. Stepping outside the four walls might unlock some possibilities that we never thought of before. This could be something as simple as passing out a bottle of water, playing with our neighbors at the park, or taking time to meet someone new. Something else that popped into my head when thinking about this, is that sometimes we don't step 'outside' because we have this feeling that someone else will do it. The whole time, the other person is thinking I wonder if this time will be different. I was talking with a friend the other day, and one thing she mentioned to me is that we didn't have music on our trip this year, because no one brought a guitar. I thought about how if one person would have decided to bring a guitar, then two things would have happened. 1) We would have one guitar, 2) we would have fifteen guitars. (Sometimes those things just tend to happen.)  However, I think the same things happens when we are supposed to be witnessing to people. Now, before I go any further, I have to make this disclaimer: I am by no means a perfect example of this, and have to in my own life considering stepping out more. With saying that,  I have known of several people who have called for more outreach, but when it came down to it, they wanted more emphasis on themselves and not those outside the church. We have this tendency to thank that because we are a part of the church, that we are the only ones the church should be thinking about. But, it is the sick who need a doctor, not the healthy. While I do not think this is something that is just going to change in the next few minutes, I do think it is time that we/I step outside ourselves for the ministry that is beyond the four walls.

Running

I think John Mayer hides behind is music because he is afraid to face things that are happening in his life. I think we all have something we are running from which we use to try and a fill the void, we use whatever we can get. I think celebrities feel this way because they don't have any one who they feel cares. I am so thankful no only to have a God who cares and is there, but friends who are willing as well. 

I think the question is what are hiding from? 

I know for me it's the fear of failure, that I could never do it, which then is not letting God use me the way he wants to! 

Where is the filling the void with meaningless things going to get us? I think for celebrities they have money so people are willing to look the other way, doesn't there have to be more? There is, because we are looking for something else to make us feel less empty in this world. 

Personally I feel God is the only thing that fills that void because everything else just seems to leave us feeling meaningless and empty. If we chew over the fact that people who we think of a good definition of success don't have it together, then don't we have to understand that there has to be more. If they don't know what it is, then why should we? Well without Christ, does anyone have anything together? Doubtful 

What about those who reject Christ, when do they get to the point in life that there has to be something more? People everywhere need Jesus even those we are willing to look past because we think they have it all together. Apparently it's the people who we think have it all together that really don't! 

Everyone has something that they are running from, which is causing us to hide behind something. Something that stops us from confronting that which is right in front of our face.  Growing up, there were never many times that I can remember that I was told I could do anything. There are many things I wanted to do, that because someone told me they didn’t think I could do it, I never tried. However, my mom was told when I was little that I would never graduate college because I couldn’t read very well and I didn’t understand what I was reading, or what was being read to me. I graduated college, and a semester early at that, but because of that fact I don’t feel like I put forth as much effort as I could have, because I was still under this idea that I couldn’t do something. For me, that is a reason why I hide behind certain things. I have heard that voice all my life that has said, you aren’t good enough, and you can’t do it. While I don’t know that much about John Mayer, or anyone other celebrity for that matter, I think we are all hiding behind something, and for him that just happens to be his music. We have this idea in our heads, that if we spend a lot of time and energy trying to perfect the one thing we know we can handle, then we can put behind us the things that we really don’t want to pester or bother us. There are many times that we play an instrument for example, and are very good at it, but when we aren’t with that one thing, or person that makes us feel important we don’t want to confront what we are really dealing with. 

What is behind? 

I guess the next question that gets me, is what is behind what we are hiding from. What exactly is John Mayer trying to hide by spending endless hours a day playing and perfecting his musicianship? According to the Rolling Stone, John Mayer is looking for a relationship that goes beyond one night stands, and celebrity affairs. He wants an honest relationship where they can share, and find genuine love for each other. So since this hasn’t happened in his life, he is putting his effort, (time, money) into whatever he can which can fill the void. This includes by the way, collecting women’s designers handbags. This is not a question of judging his musicianship, or judging me or you, for what we do, but to question what is the motive of hiding? The question is, what are we looking for? I am afraid of failure, therefore there are many times that I just won’t do something because a) I don’t want to get hurt, b) I don’t want to fail. Something I realized the other day however, was that we actually fail less if we try, because when we don’t try at all, there is no chance for success. One thing that I want to instill in my children, if God ever gives me the chance to have children, is to let them know that they can do whatever they want to do, and I don’t want to be the person that says they can’t do something. That is one reason while I feel so strongly about opening this studio for inner city youth. I want to look at these children, and families and see the longing in their faces. I want to know something they have always wanted to do, and give them a chance, in whatever way they can, to do it. I think the capabilities that God gives us, far out weigh the impossible capabilities we think we could never overcome. In this studio, I want all those children who were always told they can’t, to finally realize they can and that we can help them out, no matter how that is possible. I think the question of what is behind, is to help us examine in our own lives, what we really want, but are spending endless hours trying to avoid. Some people, may not be looking for a relationship, but a dream they have always wanted to accomplish, while others may be looking for a relationship. I think before we can fully grasp the extent of our searching/ longing, is to be able to answer these two questions. 1) What are we running from?, and 2) What are we searching for? Then grasping what we want, might be just as easy as knowing what it is.